I love my mother-in-law,
Although she's got a lot of jaw,
She haunts me day and night
I can't do anything right
I heard today she's coming round to stay
Ain't it a pity, she lives in the city
Why can't she stay away

Tonight I'll grease the stairs,
Put tin tacks on the chairs
I hope she breaks her back
I look so nice in black
The insurance comes in handy
She's bow-legged knock kneed and bandy,
But I love her, how I love her,
How I love my mother-in-law


We went to gay Paree
And paid five francs to see
A big fat french cherie
Tattooed from head to knee
Across her jaw was a British Man o' war
And down her back was the Union Jack
So I paid five francs more
To see her lily white bum
And a picture of the rising sun
While up and down her spine
Were the Foresters all in line
And tattooed on her front bit
Harry James was playing his trumpet
But I love her, how I love her
How I love my mother-in-law!