Dear LF:

Not having heard squat from you, and really needing guidance in our selection of your Great Gift, we were wondering if you would mind answering the following questions. They will provide us with a psychological profile that will ensure that you get what you would truly like.

1. Do you feel that Morris Dancers are eccentric, or merely unusual?

2. Would you rather visit Whitechapel in 1880, East Anglia in 1375, or Penzance anytime?

3. What is your favourite unreal number?

4. Which goes on first: your shoes, your trousers, or your hat?

5. Complete this sentence: When I am filled with joy and delighted with being alive, I will correct the problem by_____________________.

6. My favourite meal is ____________________________________________.

7. True or False (choose one): I would rather play a digaredoo than a flautophone.

8. Rank this statement from 1 (being the lowest) to 5 (being the highest). Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, is one hot momma.

9. Please answer YES or NO.

10. Compare and contrast the epic hero in Byron's Childe Harold with Alyosha Karamazov. Discuss whether one or the other is an Absurdist Hero, making significant reference to El Cid, William Rufus, the Defence of Rourke's Drift, Svengali, Sisyphus, Hector, and the Red Branch Cycle. Be certain to keep your discussion within the Animistic-Zoroastrian context inherent in Mithriac literature. You have ten (10) minutes.