I was introduced to this song about 1945 by my Scottish Mother, who had our Cub Scout Den perform a skit for the year-end Pack Meeting. The words as best I remember them were:

THE EASTERN TRAIN

Riding down from Bangor on an Eastern train,
After weeks of hunting in the woods of Maine,
Quite extensive whiskers, beard, mustache as well,
Sat a student fellow, tall and slim and swell.

Empty seat behind him, no one at his side,
Into quiet village Eastern train doth glide.
Enter agèd couple, take the hindmost seat,
Enter pretty maiden, beautiful, petite.

Blushingly she murmured, "Is this seat engaged?"
Sees the aged couple properly enraged!
Student, quite ecstatic, sees her ticket "through,"
Thinks of the long tunnel, thinks what he will do.

So they sit and chatter, how the cinders fly,
Until the student fellow gets one in his eye.
Maiden, sympathetic, turns herself about
"May I if you please sir, try to take it out?"

Soon the student fellow feels her gentle touch,
And hears her softly murmur, "Does it hurt you much?"
Whiz! bang! boom! Into the tunnel quite,
And all its glorious darkness, as black as Egypt's night.

Out into the daylight glides the Eastern train,
Student's hair is ruffled just the slightest grain,
Maiden seen all blushes when then and there appeared
A tiny little earring in that horrid student's beard!