Johnny was playing in the garden one day
playing at cards and dice
Into the garden came little Gertrude,
Carrying three white mice
"I've got some o'them" Johnny said.
Gert said "No you've not,
but I'll bet you anything you like
I've got everything you've got!"

So Johnny lifted up his little pullover
and laid his navel bare
As he stood upstanding he said
"I bet you've not got one of them, there!"
"Oh yes I have!" she lifted up her blouse
"Yes I have" said Ger,
"And the only diff'rence 'tween mine & yours,
mine isn't covered with dirt!"

So Johnny took off his little pair of trousers
and showed her what lay beneath.
When she saw that she hadn't got one
she was overcome with grief.
She dropped her mouse, ran into the house
calling for her mum, she said
"Johnny's got something under his pants
and mummy I haven't got one".

A few minutes later she came out of the house
she didn't make a sound.
Johnny was jumping and shouting for joy
and waving his thing around.
She said " alright John, I know you've one
but I don't really mind,
'cos mummy says as long as I've got one of these
I can get one of those ANYTIME!".

The Ballad of Johnny and Gertrude, from the singing of Roaring Jelly.