Some of you may not be aware that I am an exponent of the art of melodic throat draining techniques. This involves binding the patient to ensure immobility, possibly with a noose if the patient proves difficult, and conducting a number of Guantanamo approved chatting techniques to loosen him up (this art form is better performed on men). While initially difficult, I can play a patients throat like an instrument, and have a wide range of sounds I can extract, according to the level of consciousness of the patient. These include:

Gargles, gurgles, screams, cries, shouts, gasps, moans, grunts, shouts, ululation, axsphyxiation, and oral defamation.

With the right subject, I can perform the 1812 Overture, I Did it My Way, and What are we going to do about Maria.

I can also entice the patient to perform double throated Tibetan head songs, using certain techniques.

I will be coming to Dave's hospital to do a demonstration on him shortly.