Hello everyone,

If you are easily offended, please STOP READING.   This thread is for mature audiences only.  Please don't post "dreadful song" or "worst song written" as you are not helping. 

Below is a traditional bawdy song titled: "If I Was A Merry Maid"  

       Field Recording: http://tinyurl.com/3qmqb (811KB)

Do you sing this song?  If so when/where did you learn it?

If you know this song -- or any bawdy songs -- would you please consider doing a telephone interview for folkloristic purposes?   If you would like more information, you can send me an email me at john@mehlberg.com

Any help is appreciated.

Sincerely,

John Mehlberg
~
My, mostly traditional, bawdy songs, toasts and recitations website: www.immortalia.com
~

IF I WAS A MERRY MAID

If I was a merry maid
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir
The kind of man that I would wed
Would be a Number One, sir

He'd shout "Fire!" I'd shout "Fire!"
We'd both shout "Fire!" together
We'd be all right, in the middle of the night
Shouting "Fire!" together

If I was a merry maid
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir
The kind of man that I would wed
Would be a Number Two, sir

He'd ram it home, I'd ram it home
We'd ram it home together
We'd be all right, in the middle of the night
Ramming it home together

If I were a merry maid
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir
The kind of man that I would wed
Would be a Number Three, sir

He'd lay it on, I'd lay it on
We'd both lay it on together
We'd be all right, in the middle of the night
Laying it on together

If I were a merry maid
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir
The kind of man that I would wed
Would be a Number Four, sir

He'd shove it in, I'd shove it in
We'd both shove it in together
We'd be all right, in the middle of the night
Shoving it in together

If I were a merry maid
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir
The kind of man that I would wed
Would be a Number Five, sir

He'd set the fuse, I'd set the fuse
We'd both set the fuse together
We'd be all right, in the middle of the night
Setting the fuse together

If I were a merry maid
Which thank the Lord I'm not, sir
The kind of man that I would wed
Would be a Number Six, sir

He'd shout "Another!", I'd shout "Another!"
We'd both shout "Another!" together
We'd be all right, in the middle of the night
Shouting "Another!" together

Notes: This is a bawdy military variant of better known "Rugby Song".  The informant, Mrs. T, learned this from her brother in the Canadian military. This is used as a mnemonic to teach what the various gunnery positions do.   The "number 1" is the crew chief, the "number 2" is the loader, the "number 3" is the gun layer (he operates the gun site), "number 4" is the other loader (works with "number 2"),  "number 5" ammunition handler & sets the fuse, number 6 is his assistant.