Hello everyone,

If you are easily offended, please STOP READING.   This thread is for mature audiences only.  Please don't post "dreadful song" or "worst song written" as you are not helping. 

Below is a traditional bawdy song I call: "The Old Maid & the Old Tom Cat" (recording)

A fragment was sung to me by Charley Noble  (PM)  on Nov 13, 2004 before my recording software cut out.  Charley provided the text below by email.  He said he learned it in the early 1960s from an Englishman.

        Do you sing this song?  If so when/where did you learn it?  
        Do you sing it to the same tune as found in the recording?

Any help is appreciated.

Sincerely,

John Mehlberg
john@mehlberg.com
~
My, mostly traditional, bawdy songs, toasts and recitations website: www.immortalia.com
~

THE OLD MAID STOOD BY THE FIRE

The old maid stood by the fire,
The old maid stood by the fire;
There was no one there but the old tom cat
So she lifted her skirts up higher.

She lifted her skirts up higher,
She lifted her skirts up higher;
There was no one there but the old tom cat
So she lifted her skirts up higher.

The cat for a rat did take it,
The cat for a rat did take it;
He made one spring at the hairy thing,
And, by God, how he did shake it!

God, how he did shake it!
God, how he did shake it!
He made one spring at the hairy thing,
And, by God, how he did shake it!

The old maid pissed and farted,
The old maid pissed and farted;
She made such a din that the neighbors rushed in,
And the cat and the quiff were parted.

The cat and the quiff were parted
The cat and the quiff were parted
She made such a din that the neighbors rushed in,
And the cat and the quiff were parted.

They sent for the famous physician,
They sent for the famous physician;
He said, "Dear me, it is plain to see
He has bit right through the partition."

Bit right through the partition.
Bit right through the partition.
He said, "Dear me, it is plain to see
He has bit right through the partition."

Now ye maids who stand by the fire,
Now ye maids who stand by the fire;
There are much better stunts you can play with your cunts
Than to raise the tom cat's ire.

Raise the tom cat's ire
Raise the tom cat's ire
There are much better stunts you can play with your cunts
Than to raise the tom cat's ire.

Notes: Text provided by Charley Noble.

• Field Recording - John Mehlberg Collection - See Notes.
  • Digital Recording - Charlie Noble - 2004.11.13
    • The Old Maid Stood By The Fire [First Verse And Chorus Only]    Time: 0:26