This was emailed to me recently. Enjoy. :)

Fruitcake Recipe
> 1 cup water
> 1 cup sugar
> 4 large eggs
> 2 cups dried fruit
> 1 teaspoon baking soda
> 1 teaspoon salt
> 1 cup brown sugar
> lemon juice
> nuts
> 1 gallon whiskey
>
> Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
> Take a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure it is of the highest quality.
> Pour one level cup and drink.
> Repeat.
>
> Turn on the electric mixer; beat 1 cup butter in a > large, fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon sugar and beat again.
> Make sure the whiskey is still OK. Cry another tup.
> Turn off mixer.
> Break 2 legs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
> Mix on the turner.
>
> If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a > drewscriver.
> Sample the whiskey to check for tonsisticity.
> Next, sift 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?
> Check the whiskey.
>
> Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
> Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something.
> Whatever you can find.
> Grease the oven.
>
> Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
> Throw the bowl out of the window.
> Check the whiskey again.
>
> Go to bed.
> Who the heck likes fruitcake anyway?

*ducking and laughing*
Cat in BC