Dear Miss AMNQITYNL,

The last woman who would go out with me suggested that same thing. I did exactly what she said, but even so she wouldn't go out with me again. Upon reflection I don't think she liked me all that much anyway, since she introduced me to someone at the soda fountain as "my potted plant."

She also recommened a surgical procedure that she was sure would help, but neither I nor my boss know what a "bilateral orchidectomy" is. We're familiar with splinters and hemorrhoids, mostly, and we rarely approve or even know about anything else. (We recently had a referal for a man who had a splinter in his hemorrhoids, but we turned down the surgery request as too complex, costly, and an unproven medical procedure.)

I forgot to mention that I have also developed a problem with malodorous flatulence, which has resulted in being banned from church services because I "win any competition with the organ."

Thank you for any help you can give me.

Sincerely yours,
Mister Binky