That thing you bought from that magazine really did give you 3 more inches?...Now you've got 5?

You've moved out of your mother's basement?... And found a rocker to sit her body in while you work at the motel?

You learned how to tie a big boy's tie?...And with some work, the thick part will be longer then the thin part?

You've discovered a previously unknown species of primate in the woods behind your shack?...And you think you may have a shot at a date soon?

The dentist says that the terrible smell in your mouth may end after he pulls those rotting teeth?...All twenty of them?

You've figured a way to help the Cubs win the World Series?...Massive bribery?

Or you've awakened from your binge, and you don't remember why you started this?