Hey Barry:

At the risk of sounding like a big o' kiss-up: don't change a thing. I like the loose repetitive rhymes; if your style is somewhat Dylanesque, that should capture his occasional drone (in the good sense of the word) just nicely.

While I also found the metre (Sorry Shimbo, the US spelling may rule, but the Canadian is correct) a bit odd in places, it is impossible to tell, without actually hearing the way you sing it. Lyrics are a slightly different animal from poetry, giving the writer a little more freedom. Many times when I'm reading the lyrics in the liner notes of a new CD, I think that the metre is off. But then when I hear the song, I realize that it couldn't have been any other way.

I agree with Áine (of course, I'm also a little bit in love with her; don't tell my wife). You're the one who has to be happy with it. After you've had some experience writing and performing (which you may already have), you will be able to tell the difference between feeling shy about performing a new song, and feeling embarrassed about performing it. Trust your instincts; if the latter is true, it needs work.

Keep churning out the tunes.

Paul