This strikes very close to home. Since becoming a widower a year & a month ago, these STOOPID activities are an obsessive daily thing.
I have my profile up in several places, and see profiles of other folkies I know already on the female available side of decidely non-folky sites. We discuss these same issues and everyone shares the same observation that the process doesn't work. I wonder why not.
If you post, as I do, with full disclosure of passion, quirk and wart, you should be able, with a sufficiently large population, to find your mutual ideal. Nope. I don't get it. [In both senses! ]