Johnny McEldoo (traditional)


There was Johhny McEldoo and McGee and me and a couple or two or three went on the spree one day,
and we had a bob or two which we knew how to blue and the beer and whisky flew
and we all felt gay.
We visited McCann's, McLennan's, Humpty Dans and we then went into Swann's our stomachs for to pack
And we ordered out a feed which indeed we did need, and we finished it with speed, but we still felt slack.

Johnny McEldoo turned red white and blue and a plate of Irish stew he soon put out of sight,
He shouted out "encore!" with a roar for some more and he'd never felt before such a keen appetite.
He ordered eggs and ham, bread and jam, what a ram, and him we couldn't cram though we tried our level best,
But everything we brought cold or hot mattered not, it went down him like a shot but he still stood the test.

He swallowed tripe and lard by the yard, we got scared and we thought it would go hard when the waiter brought the bill,
and we told him to give o'er but he swore he could lower twice as much again and more before he had his fill
He nearly supped a trough full of broth, says McGrath(McGroth): "He'll have all the table cloth if we don't haul him in."
When the waiter brought the charge McEldoo felt so large, he began to scout and barge and his blood went on fire.

He began to curse and swear tear his hair in despair, and to finish the affair called the shopman a liar.
The shopman he drew out and no doubt he did clout, McEldoo he kicked about like an old football,
He tattered all his clothes, broke his nose, I suppose he'd have killed him in a few blows in no time at all

McEldoo began to howl and to growl by my soul, threw an empty bowl at the shopkeeper's head,
Struck where Micky Finn peeled the skin off his chin and the ructions did begin and we all fought and bled.
Peelers did arrive, man alive, four or five, and at us they made a drive for us all to march away,
We paid for all the mate that we ate, stood a trate, and went home to ruminate on the spree that day.