Thanks all for the well wishes and good advice. I have made an appointment and I am planning on going back on the meds, despite my severe reservations about them. I am also resolving to play more music, drink less or not at all, and get on an exercise program.

As for my anonymity, I would like to point out that mental illness is highly stigmatized, unlike most physical illnesses. How much shame and derision does one incur, for example, for a broken bone, stitches, or a heart bypass? (Overweight is also stigmatized, but that is impossible to conceal.)

There are many reasons why I would rather not "come out" at this time. I wouldn't have posted here if I wasn't feeling desperate and I didn't know I could trust Cat members to be helpful and caring. Unfortunately, most of the world is not so understanding, and they can be very cruel in exploiting such a weakness. Thanks everyone.