Well, here's a song for all real northerners to sing. It's been -40 or so up here in the Yukon, and this song, which is a parody I wrote for Yukon Territorial Government workers who aren't allowed to smoke inside public buildings, which is where they work, so they have to huddle outside and puff there, has gotten a fair number of requests over the past few years. I'd love to get the lyrics for another parody of this called,"Walking 'Round In Women's Underwear"for my novelty song collection.
SMOKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND
Words by Marty Waldman. Music not.
STORM OUTSIDE, SNOW-FLAKES GLISTEN,
WARM OUTSIDE, BUT THEY'RE MISSIN'
THE HIGHS THAT WE GET SUCKIN' ON CIGARETTES
WHILE WE'RE SMOKIN' IN A WINTER WONDERLAND
GOTTA PUFF, 'CAUSE WE'RE ADDICTED
CAN'T INSIDE, 'CAUSE IT'S RESTRICTED
SUCH A BEAUTIFUL SIGHT, AS OUR NOSTRILS TURN WHITE
SMOKIN' IN A WINTER WONDERLAND
SOFTLY MUTTERING WORDS FAR FROM HOLY
HUDDLING IN A HOWLING ARCTIC BREEZE
SOME LUNATIC IS TRYING TO MAKE A ROLLIE
BUT HIS HANDS ARE SHAKING LIKE HE'S GOT D.T.'S
VERY SOON, WE'LL PERSPIRE
AS OUR LIPS CATCH ON FIRE
AS THE NUMBNESS SETS IN AND WE LOSE LAYERS OF SKIN
WHILE WE'RE SMOKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND
COLD ENOUGH TO FREEZE OUR BUNS AND THEN SOME
SHIVERING IN OUR CARDIGANS AND SKIRTS
LOOKING FORWARD TO THE DAY WHEN SPRING COMES
BUT 'TILL THEN WE'RE GONNA SMOKE 'EM TILL IT HURTS
YOU MAY SNEER, YOU MAY SNICKER
AS WE CROUCH O'ER THE FLICKER
OF A SPUTTERING BIC, TO GET ONE MORE FLICK
AND KEEP ON SMOKING IN A WINTER WONDERLAND
WE'RE GONNA KEEP SMOKING, IN A WINTER, WONDERLAND.