I was blessed with a teacher who crammed etiquitte down my throat, and further blessed with friends who let me know with different degrees (or absences) of tact. It sometimes hurt my feelings (even drummers have feelings), but I'm a much better player for it. You might want to suggest to the drummer in question, if he has the table-leg looking warclub tipper that comes with most tourist bodhrans that he get a lighter stick. It will also help his overall development. (If he actually wants to develop!)I gave one kid a month's worth of free lessons on the condition that he not bring his drum to our session until he learned to play it. He eventually realized that he wasn't going to master it overnight and gave up, but the end result was the same for us. I also have no problem with alluding to the one bodhran at a time rule of thumb and sometimes throw out the hint that two fiddles are called "harmony" whereas two bodhrans are "an infernal racket". It is also important to not throw stones from a glass house. If you're a box player who can play quietly but doesn't, your opinion isn't going to carry a whole lot of weight! Finally, suggest some good CDs to listen to to learn how a bodhran is supposed to sound. A few good examples; Arcady, Dedannan, Nomos (Frank tears his drum up but at an appropriate level), Dervish (very subtle), Colm Murphy's compilation_An Bodhran_. The last is a CD specifically intended to showcase Colm's bodhran playing and even at that is not dominating the melody players. We're a hated breed thus have a responsibility to not make the bodhran hater in question right. Slan, Rich