I could have gone to Barclays,
I could have gone to LLoyds.
Instead I bought some ointment,
To soothe my Haemmaroids.

So the Royal Bank of Scotland,
Were left with my account.
Even though the balance,
Was a pitiful amount.

They sent me written details,
About my 'chip and pin'
All I had to do was phone,
And give my details in.

The 0904 number,
Was answered in a flash.
A very helpful lady,
Would be dealing with my cash.

She asked me what I wanted,
"I need a pin" said I.
She said "That is a strange request,
Describe it and I'll try".

I said I need a number,
She asked...."A sixty nine"?.
I said if that would do the trick,
That number would be fine.

But then she took me by surprise,
She said "Lay on your back".
I asked her why I should but she said,
You'll soon get the knack.

She gave me some instructions,
I won't tell you my friend.
I haven't got the knack yet,
But I'll get there in the end.