Howdy t' all ya'll Mudcattin' fellers an' gals. My name iz Shiney Knause. I yam th' brother obv Sheeney Knause. Me an' Sheeney useta be whatchacall "conjoined twins". Tha's sorta like 'em Siamese twins only in me an' Sheeney's case my nose wuz conjoined t' Sheeney's butt crack. They's a long ol' story thet I cud go inta 'bout all me an' Sheeney's triles an' tribblayshuns, but I alreddy did thet on annuther obv these message freds an' if'n ya really wanna hear 'bout it, go find thet fred an' read it. I ain't got time t' fool wif it rite now.   

Ennyhow, me an' Sheeney finely got us a op'ration so we'd be free obv each uther 'cause we really don't like each uther thet much. Soon as we got sep'rated Sheeney went off an' joined some sorta hoodoo-guru cult thang an' I went lookin' fer a wife. I come here oncet an' wuz struck by thet gal ya'll call Rusty Rebel. I ast her t' marry me but she went an' turned me down. Well, thet wuz 'bout a year ago an' I'm over bein' jilted by thet hussy.

I come back here today obver on annuther one obv these freds an' I seen thet Veronica Rutledge gal. My, but she iz one fine young thang toolin' 'roun' th' country in thet zebra-striped Porsche wif th' top down. Amis says she's old enuff t' court buy I ain't so shure. She only looks t' be 'bout sixteen t' me an' I don' wanna be visitin' no jailhouse, er "gaolhouse" I gess thay calls it where Veronica lives.

Ennybuddy know fer shure wether thet gal's jailbait er not? If she ain't, I wud shore like t' meet her in person.