This is a spin-off from a thread I began on John Eaglesham. I am looking to collate for posterity the gems of songs which have been written over the years by writers in the West of Scotland, but which have not been written down or recorded. There is certainly a talent here in the West of Scotland for taking a wry look at a real life situation, and making a humerous song about it. The message still hits home - whether the subject is serious or not!
The authors I have heard about and want to document more fully include: John Eaglesham, Sean Tierney, Peter Ross, John Murphy...
For starters, here are 2 examples:
The 37 Bus (Ian McCarry & Tom Docherty)
(Tune: Nicky Tams)
Ah wiz sittin on the upper deck o' a 37 bus
Ah seen big Jimmie swillin wine An' stirrin up a fuss
The driver stopped the the bus right sharp an' belted up the stair
"Yie can get the Hell right aff this bus if ye gie us any mair"
"Pal,no offense "big Jimmie said : "if ye knew what I 've been through
Ye widnae say such things tae me or blame a man that's fu'
fur Ah lost ma pile on the dugs taenight , Ah'll huv yes fur tae know
Fur Ah put down all ma overtime pay on a dug that widnae go"
The driver said " Ah dinnae care nor gie a Tinker's curse
Yer swearin an yer bawlin is disturbin a' the bus
Ah've hud aboot enough of you,a lot more than Ah need
If ye dont haud that big tongue o' yours , Ah'll stuff it doon yer heid."
Big Jimmie looked up and he sighed and he finished aff his wine
He says " The way ye've spoke tae me has went right oot o' line
Ah've sorted out 15 like you tae get intae a fight
Get doon on yer knees and beg fur help ,yah dirty little shite."
At this the bus began tae clear as people got off fast
Wi' good auld Glasgow chivalry the wimmen an children last
They gathered round and they shouted out fur they didnae like big Jim
"Come now driver sink the boot, get stuck right intae him."
The driver smiled and waded in kicking and swinging blows
Until he got Jim's big square heid aplanted on his nose
Jim's (His) knee came up, his fist went doon that wiz the battle o'er
So he jumped a couple o' times on his heid as he lay upon the floor
An' staightaway the polis came up tae capture Jim
In threes an' fours an' dozens , well he laid them oot round him
(An when finally they'd sorted out the tiger in his tank)
An' when wi' forty stoatin him he finally sensless sank
Ah counted fourteen polis hats washed away doon a stank
So if ye'er ever sittin on a 37 bus
An see big Willie swillin wine and kickin up a fuss
Don't try tae act the hero an throw big Jimmie aff
Cos the poor old Glasgow polis , They huvnae got the staff.
The Milngavie Song (Sean Tierney)
(To the tune of "Down By The Bayou")
Goodbye Glasgow, we're gonna go, way down by-o
Out tae the West, tae get the best that money can buy –o
A shangrila, that's no too far fae the toon-o
Just far enough tae keep you scruff fae comin' roon-o
In Milngavie, the folks would die if they knew-o
The (number of) times we had tae sign doon on the bru-o
These days are past, I live life fast, I can't deny-o
I've knocked it off, I'm a half-built toff fae Milngavie-o
This ideal home has a concrete gnome in the garden
It's the nearest thing round here tae a hard man
Nae bugs or fleas, dugs daein' pees in your back close-o
Oh, everything in Milngavie is so so-so
Well me and the wife, we live a life la dolce vita
But there's times we had tae pockle the gas meter
Played games of whist, discreetly pissed, on the fly-o
Oh ye never know what you miss in Milgavie-o
Oh, sex is in, it's great tae swing with the fast set-o
In this x-rated, sex-sated suburban ghetto
To the beetle drives that ruled our lives we've said goodbye-o
You get better vibes swapping wives in Milngavie-o
Finish by repeating last line of chorus altered to…
Youse can all F*** off, I'm a half baked toff from Milngavie-o!