More answers. I am not disguising a relationship that started on Mudcat (and I do not live in the USA). Also, many of you assume that the person I am talking about is male - this is deliberately not something I have stated one way or the other. As many of you have picked up, I really know in my heart of hearts what I need to do. So why start this thread? I suppose the child in me wants someone to come up with a magic solution, and the adult in me (a MUCH bigger part of me) is scared of making the decision to end a relationship that, at its best, has really enriched my life. Why scared? I am not scared of being alone, but I still keep holding on to the best of this relationship (and there have been *very* good times between the madnesses) and hoping that this will overpower the destructive habits - but really I know it won't. I know, really, all the things that others have said. But most of us need support to make painful steps, I don't want to burden those around me and I suppose this thread was a way of seeking anonymous help, understanding, support. I am so grateful that I have received that, and it HAS given me strength and support. I'm glad, Sorcha, that your emotional life is so much simpler than all that.