That is not what is happening here - you are filling in gaps, perhaps from your own experience (I am guessing) because, of course, you don't know the whole picture, but in the wrong direction. Since I started this thread to seek support and am anonymous, I don't feel I need to defend myself. Just believe that I do not behave and have never behaved in any way to provoke these reactions, and am always baffled by them. It would be a strange world where everyone was partly 'to blame' for the behaviour of everyone else we came into contact with. We all make choices. I made mine to stay with this person and try to help them no matter what, as I was deeply in love. I know why the person reacts as the person does - it is because they have flashbacks from a previous relationship that ended in disaster and betrayal. The person therefore sees danger and betrayal where it does not exist in the real world, just as those who have been in a car crash or been raped or have been abused or betrayed as a child can relive those experiences, not as memories *known* to be memories, but as actual 'real' experiences, though they are generated by traumatised memories, from within unresolved memory. There are, of course, triggers, but these triggers may not make sense to anyone else other than the person experiencing it - and they may not even make sense to them. It may just be a word said completely innocently in the middle of a sentence which triggers a memory (either heard from another or said by themself), or driving down a particular street that has a house that looks vaguely like a house from the past that triggers a memory that leads to a traumatic reaction.