(For all you stage mothers out there - including Spaw and Amos.)

Don't put your daughter on the stage, Missis Worthington;

Don't put your daughter on the stage.

She's a bit of an ugly duckling you must honestly confess,

And the width of her seat would surely defeat

Her chances of success.

It's a loud voice, and tho' it's not exactly flat

She'll need a little more than that

To earn a living wage.

On my knees, Missis Worthington;

Please, Missis Worthington,

Don't put your daughter on the stage.

- Noel Coward