I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. My Mum died 10 years ago this year and I did what you did, I asked that if she was ready to go, then I would not stop her. She was in a home and the last week of her life was painful, in a way I was glad she was free from it. But the grief was like a sickness - it almost bowled me over. I cant say that I know what you are going through as these things are very individual.
Be good to yourself and cry if you need to don't let anyone tell you how you have to be.
My Dad died over a year ago and the mudcat community hugged me better. You couldn't be with a more caring lot!
take care, thinking of you,