Dunno if you've had these suggested: BILL THE CAT We had a cat: His name was Bill He caught our budgie on the window-sill One holy day; One Sunday morn Left only feathers on our back lawn Oh, no, Bill! You can't do that You silly pussy; You stupid cat So we took him down: Our family pet And we left his balls, with the family vet [strumming and cat yowling sounds in background] Well the very next day, he packed his bags Left all his Penthouse and Playboy mags How could we do it; To the family pet Go and leave his balls with the family vet [spoken] Well we get no postcards; No telephone calls He's out in the bush somewher - with no balls And he's obsessed, with sweet revenge So eats our parrots. And our fairy wrens. [chorus] Yes He's mortified and we all regret That we left his balls with the family vet [repeat] [change of key] Now he's highly sought, by the feral choir For his new-found talent, to sing much higher Has no more time; For female friends Just for parrots - and Fairy Wrens [spoken] No sense of humour. Ex-family pet It still hurts: He can't forget He's still angry: He's still upset That we left his balls with the family vet [chorus to finish] OR CROCODILE ROLL Hav'n a barbie by the river - with no-one else around A tropical honeymoon; Knockin a four-ex down She was standin in the water, eatin a pumpkin scone when (chomp) - - - she was gone! And they were doin' the Crocodile Roll: The woman and the reptile Doin' the Crocodile Roll; In the middle of the river Down came her husband. with a gun and a carving knife To slaughter every crocodile for takin 'is darling wife [spoken with a pronounced stutter - in whiney old man's voice] Y-you c-c-can't g-g-g-go round eatin' Q-Q-Q-Queenslanders you overgrown g-g-g-goannas; I'll turn you all into sh-shoes (CHOMP) oooh! And they were doin' the Crocodile Roll: The husband and the reptile Doin' the Crocodile Roll; In the middle of the river Down came his bloodhound; with mangy, curly hair Picked up the scent; away he went; bum in the air Then the dog got carried away and ran out on a log An' (CHOMP) Guess what! No more dog! And they were doin' the Crocodile Roll: The canine and the reptile Doin' the Crocodile Roll; In the middle of the river Down come a wild pig: rootin' all around The little swine drank some wine and really pigged it out Then the crocodile chased him 'round An' the little pig yelled "Up Yours!" (CHOMP) Into another croc's jaws! And they were doin' the Crocodile Roll: The porker and the reptile Doin' the Crocodile Roll; In the middle of the river There's no moral to the story; just a brand-new dance Grab your partner by the neck and swing your crocodile pants Dip your toe in the water, are you ready for romance? Swirl your tail around the floor; c'mon take a chance! Now you'rE doin' the crocodile roll; stirrin' up the mud Doin' the crocodile roll in the middle of the river They were doin' the Crocodile Roll: stirrin' up the mud crabs Doin' the Crocodile Roll; In the middle of the river. OR THE BUDGIE SONG Well it cost me thirty bucks to fix me Budgie When the little blighter only cost me five The veterinary surgeon saw me coming But I had to keep my 'feathered friend' alive He was shakin' on his perch; the kids were crying The family gathered 'round hi little cage I said "I think it's time we got a new one" That's when the family went into a rage! Oh the waiting-room ponged like a rat-house With heart-worm and lung-worm and lice And a Persian had its eye on the shoe-box I suppose she thought our Budgie might be nice. Well the bird shit on the veterinary surgeon I heard him say "the dirty little chick" Guess he wondered why I didn't use m' brains And hit him over the head with a brick [chorus]Oh! Antibiotics for his colour Three drops a day on his beak Some powder on the nose for his feathers And clean out his cage twice a week Well it cost me thirty bucks to fix me Budgie When the little blighter only cost me five And the bludger wakes me early in the morning It's got me puzzled how he survives One night I'll feed him to the tom cat Instead of worrying about him when we go away No-one wants to feed a shitty Budgie When everyone's on holiday [finish with the chorus - twice] You can clean it up by singing 'pooped' instead of shit in V4 and skungey (pronounced 'skun-gee') instead of 'shitty' in V6 OR OLD MAN EMU Let me tell you bout an interview with an old man emu He's got a beak and feathers and things But the poor old feller ain't got no wings Aren't you jealous of the wedge-tailed eagle 'oom-ba-da-little-la-dah-dah While the eagle's flyin' round an' round; I keep me two feet firmly on the ground Now I can't fly, but I'm tellin' you - I can run the pants off a kangaroo! Ba da doo doo da doo doo doo: Doo da doot doot doo doo He can't fly but i'm tellin you - he can run the pants off a kangaroo. Well he was the model for the fifty cents Oom ba da ... (etc) The designer should've had more sense Oom ba da ... (etc) If ya take a look it'll prove to you ... I ran the pants of the kangaroo Ba da doo doo da ... (etc) Ya can't loop-theloop like a cockatoo oom ba da little la dah dah Swoop an toss like an albatross oom ba da ...(etc) [spoken] Ya silly galah, I'm better by far Than a white cockatoo or a budgerigah (pron: Budge-er-ee-gar) They squeak an squawk an try t' talk Why me an them's like cheese an' chalk Ba da doo ...(etc) Dingo came around one day oom ba da ...(etc) Hey there, emu; Ya wanna play? Oom ba da ... (etc) But the emu was too smart for him walked right up an' kicked him in the shins Ba da doo doot ...(etc) Well the last time I saw old man emu oom ba da ...(etc) He was chasing a female he knew oom ba da ...(etc) As he shot past I heard him say [very heavy panting followed by narration in TOTALLY puffed out voice] She can't fly but I'm tellin' you ...... She can run the pants off a kangaroo! Well there is a moral to this ditty oom ba da ... (etc) Thrush can sing, but he ain't pretty Oom ba da ... (etc) Duck can swim, but he can't sing, nor can the eagle on the wing Emu can't fly but I'm tellin' you He can run the pants off a kangaroo Well the kookaburra laughed and he said "it's true" Oom ba da ... (etc) Ha ha ha ha hoo hoo hoo! He can run the pants off a kangaroo. OR (a sensitive one) GOODBYE BLINKY BILL Oh goodbye Bunyip Bluegum; Goodbye Blikky Bill And beautiful little Nutsie; I can't believe it Our koalas are all dying can it really be? A national disaster; a world catastrophe Shiny little black nose and fluffy little ears Furry little bundle, soaking up the tears Oh Snugglepot and Cuddlepie are crying in the rain And Wombat's gone into his hole and won't come out . . . . [chorus] Oh pass the hat around between your friends There's no time to contemplate Maybe if we show some love; maybe it's not too late 'Cause Blinky Bill is dying: Cross him off the list Knock on doors, ring the bell, save the Eucalypt I don't think I could stand the shame, knowing that I could ... Have saved the world from losing something beautiful and good [chorus] One doctor on the job is hardly enough One little hospital: Wake up, Australia! It's our corner of the world; time to pull our weight What would we tell our children about our little mate? [Repeat verse one] [finish with chorus] NOTE: Blinky Bill, Nutsie and Wombat are all characters in favourite traditional children's story books "The Complete Adventures of Blinky Bill" by Dorothy Wall; while Snugglepot and Cuddlepie are "Gumnut Babies" - the creation of English-born writer May Gibbs who, after settling in Australia, decided we needed our own 'indigenous' fairy stories and traditions. And so "The Complete Adventures of Snugglepot and Cuddlepie" was born These songs are all the creation of Australian songwriter and singer John Williamson. His 25th Anniversary CD of "True Blue" should have all five songs and I can supply chords as I play them as well. I can also answer any questions on colloquialisms and Australianisms you might find 'odd'. Muttley There are also "Somebody's Moggy" by Eric Bogle - sung in a barber-shop quartet-like mode or "Nobody's Moggy" sung to the tune of "No Man's Land - the Green Fields of France". I can supply the words to both of these as well if you wish
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