"The Sweyn Forkbeard". Used to be a row of shop premises in our town centre. Acquired by JD Wetherspoon and turned into a big barn where young ne-er-do-wells assemble in order to sup pints of lager two at a time to impress their friends, sport with the sundry young ladies (or 'slags' as the lads are wont to refer to them) gathered there, fuck and blind at the tops of their voices, and challenge one another to bouts of fisticuffs.

Sweyn Forkbeard was the son of King Canute (s/be Knut, I believe, but hey-ho!), and was the leader of the Gainii tribe of vikings who founded the town by camping on the small hill overlooking the River Trent.

Here endeth the lesson, back in the cupboard under the stairs now...............