When I got home in the dead of night I chanced upon an eerie sight For there before me in the pilot light Was my dear old white haired gran She looked at me with a glint in her eye Threw back her head and let out a cry She hitched up her skirt And began to ride Amongst the pots and pans
Get off the gas stove granny You're too old to ride the range Get off the gas stove granny You're too old to ride the range If the neighbours were to see you They would think you awful strange Get off the gas stove granny You're too old to ride the range
Well she sucked upoon her whisky Like it was going out of style Things were really heating up Because she had been there a while And I was getting anxious In case she burst her piles But she was revving up To do another twenty miles
You're too old to ride the range Get off the gas stove granny You're too old to ride the range If go at it much harder The hob won't take the strain Get off the gas stove granny You're too old to ride the range
Well granny kept on riding Like she was on the pony express But nuts and bolts were popping The stove was under stress The whole lot came crashing down In one God Almighty mess She caught her knicker elastic In her walking frame Choked herself to death
You're too old to ride the range Get off the gas stove granny You're too old to ride the range To have her surgically removed Was something to arrange Get off the gas stove granny You're too old to ride the range
Well granny she was buried All the mourners stood and cried (boohoo) And the preacher said "She's gone to Jesus (hallelujah) To walk right by his side" But I know something different So I couldn't help but smile 'Cause granny's gone a-riding In that gas showroom in the sky
Get off the gas stove granny You're too old to ride the range Get off the gas stove granny You're too old to ride the range Now Granny's gone to Heaven To ride with Jesse James Was something to arrange Get off the gas stove granny You're too old to ride the range
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