Here's a far from cheery true bus story from downtown Bradford, West Yorkshire, UK, I originally sent it as an email to a friend of mine...

"I had a bus nutter last night, funny cos we'd only been discussing riff-raff on buses and the unpleasantness of public transport at work that morning.

I sat upstairs on the 623 to Scholes in Bradford Interchange on the left hand side of the bus just by the stairwell, I glanced across at the X33 to Huddersfield to my left and spied a scruffy looking chavvy type who was staggering towards it, I could tell he was either in the last stages of motor neurone disease or he was quite pissed, he staggersed onto the bus and engaged the driver in discussion. I got the impression the driver didn't want him on the bus and he pointed across to ours "Oh please no!" I thought, "Please don't let him come onto my bus and sit next to me, all I want is to read my book and have a nice quiet ride home!" So he got off and staggered over to ours, nearly falling over those triangular lumps of concrete that the bus signs are mounted into. Again there was some muffled discussion with the driver, I glanced over at the X33 again and now there was one of the security staff talking to the driver and looking over at our bus and the fellow who had just got on, "maybe he'll come and turf him off cos he's so pissed?" I pondered. No fucking chance! he was just glad to see the back of him. I cringed as I heard his feet staggering up the steps to the top deck, all of a sudden a Krakatoan belch erupted from his guts and he sniggered to himself as he came up walked past me and sat down heavily in the seat behind the stairwell just opposite and behind me. "...Kick yer fuckin' 'ead in..." he mumbled to no-one in particular and then went on, "....why me, why is it always fucking me? I can fucking do without it fuckmmmmmmble grumble incohearant..." He kept taking to himself till he thankfully got off after about half a mile up Manchester Road, much to my relief, I imagined him going all the way to Scholes and me being left alone on the top deck with him! I willed him to fall down the bus stairs but miraculousely he didn't!

...You get people like this all the time round here, And the government wonder why people prefer cars?