Urine more trouble than you think mate. Eddie has been pressing his wife for the name of the person who keeps on ringing her as he suspects that she is having some sort of illicit liason with an itinerant folk type person. He was going to get some of his acolytes to "have a word" then realised that he didn't have any, so he's sending acoheavies instead!

The Festival Committee have reacted to the flooding danger by moving their meetings to the upstairs room of the Gargling Goat to save the beer being watered down anymore than it is now. Landlord Harry Piddles had no comment when asked about the affair except to say "they can cast as many nasturtiums as they like, I'm 71 you know". Students of etymology are even now studying the statement for any trace of sense or meaning. Mr Piddles is now to be the subject of a programme by the well known hairstyle Melvyn Bragg.