The rest of the Tiny Newman song mentioned by Eric the Red:

THE BALLAD OF TINY NEWMAN
(Alasdair Clayre)

They called him Tiny Newman because he was so small,
No higher than a lampost, not so broad as he was tall,
His job was fitting motor tyres, he did it with his hands,
And he took some home when his ma made jam, to use for elastic bands.

CHORUS:
Where are you Tiny Newman, come rain and hail and snow?
Where are you Tiny Newman when the morning hooters blow?
Turn left at number Fifteen Gate and that's where Tiny stands.
He's got motor tyres all round him and he's fitting them with his hands.

One day there was a powercut – the fuel supply was low.
The engines started running down and the line was creeping slow.
Tiny turned it all by hand and the line went thundering past
Till a copper came and ran him in for driving them all too fast.

One day they brought in a machine to do our Tiny's job.
They said, 'Just pull the lever and press that little knob."
When he pulled the lever the whole machine keeled over on the floor;
When he pressed the knob he clocked himself off in the Pressed Steel works next door.

Scientists from all the world are gathering in crowds
To see why flying saucers keep appearing from the clouds.
They tell you they're phenomena only science understands –
But they're Tiny Newman's rejects going hurtling from his hands.

I never shall forget the day that Tiny Newman died –
The tyres on the Hearse all went and burst from the weight there was in side.
But the off-back door swung open and a voice came from behind
"I'll change these four but no bloody more till we get to the other side."

My scout when I was at Oxford had worked at Morris and swore the bloke was for real!

Clayre wrote another song called The Old Man's Song based on quotes he had from a Morris worker.

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First verse added from Erik's post above, chorus from Buchan's post below. Hope I did it right. -Joe Offer-