Here's a story from tomorrow's news that I just thought of:

BUSH PARDON FORESTALLS  IMPEACHMENT

Washington, D.C.,  In order to put an end to all popular and Democratic Party attempts to impeach him, President George W. Bush pardoned himself and Vice President Dick Cheney for any past, present, or future "high crimes and misdemeanors" they have committed, are committing, or will commit in the future, thus making moot any charges brought against them in any congressional attempt to restore democracy by throwing the rascals out.

In a surprise announcement, presidential advisor Karl "Turdblossom" Rove claims he advised the President that the move was unnecessary:"Congress is too chicken(bleep) to do anything, anyway, and pardoning himself and Shooter just seems an admission that his actions, past, present, and future, were, are, and will be crimes, even if they're no longer subject to impeachment or prosecution for them.  

Move On.org announced thirty minutes after the President's action that eleven million of the group's members had signed a petition as co-complainants in  a suit to be filed in Federal District Court in San Francisco to challenge the President's right under the constitution to pardon himself--"It goes against the obvious intent of the drafters of the Constitution's intent to balance the power of the executive with equal powers vested in the Congress and the Supreme Court."

It took only fifteen minutes for the conservative majority on the court to announce that they would reject Move-On's suit on the basis of lack of standing.   An opinion co-written by Justices Clarence Thomas and Antonin Scalia and concurred in by the other three conservative justices stated that "In these troubling times, a strong executive is the only way of achieving "a more perfect union."  Thomas told reporters that the court would also uphold President Bush's yet unannounced plan to cancel the 2008 election because of the risk posed by a takeover of the government by "a coalition of cowards and terrorist sympathizers" bent on fixing the election by rallying more voters to overcome the Republican Party's right to buy the election.  "Besides," Thomas added, "we put him in office.  Only we can remove him."  When Justice Scalia whispered in Justice Thomas's ear, the latter blanched momentarily and stuttered,  "Uh, uh, of cours wewouldn't...couldn't...cant."

"At last," a jubilant Vice_President Cheney told reporters at a presidential press conference, "we can get back to our real job of spreading democracy and freedom."

Charles