Thank you all for your kind thoughts. I'm in a strange place at the moment. Part of me still thinks that Philip is going to suddenly turn up. I keep looking for white renault megans. I have two of Philips cars on my drive and I cant bring myself to get rid of them. They are my cars really, but Philip used them when his car was not working. They don't work now either so at some point they will be off to the scrap yard. Its like, if I get rid of them he really will be dead.
I wonder when the men in white coats will be arriving!