Well what about this for a first go...

Headless in Honolulu

To the tune of If – Bread / E.Gates

If you open up the news today you'll find a sight to see
A shoulder shot of me – my head's not there you see
If a face could launch a thousand ships I couldn't launch a thing
There's nothing I can say – I have no mouth – It's quite trying

Let all this fame and fortune pass me by
I'd trade it all for one glass eye

I survived the trip to supper as an amputee most strange
I nipped out from the range – From the onion, the sage
I found myself a little shorter – just a few inches less high
Told the diners I would fly – Said I couldn't wear a tie

But in the end my life – it was snuffed out
It's hard to chew – when they chopped you – apart

(Mushy synthesiser bit to end with singer staring earnestly into camera)

Hyp