Okay. You folks caught me. I got Brian Ross to say that on ABC News. And I got the FBI to fib about setting up the program. I got the FBI spokesman to say $22 million would be spent on the program, when really we just spent a buck eighty-nine on a six-pack of cheap beer before we sat down to write up the news release.

I also tripped up the Stasi and boy were they mad about that. They bragged that they had a spy in every factory and business, every apartment complex and housing project, but then I backed that dozer into the Berlin Wall and things just haven't been the same since. The Stasi claimed they were succeeding, and I know that people who were ratted out were "disappearing" right and left, and the country was committing national suicide by going into negative reproductive numbers because they'd rather die than feed children to torturing mass-murderers, but then you can't trust those lessons of history.

Anyway, you caught me making up the cold war and all that, so let's get back to the ball game. Where's that pizza?