I was kind of excited when they announced that Hugh Laurie was going to be in "House." The first episode calmed my ass down. American accent, first of all. Because we simply can't understand a word those crazy English people say. (On the ever-shitty "BBC America" channel, they actually have disclaimers before each show... Fucking seriously, disclaimers instructing viewers how to turn on closed captioning. To watch, what, Graham Norton interview some shitty pop star?) I hate that. I hate the American version of "The Office," and I hate "House."

But I'd hate "House" even if he was using his real accent in it, because it's the same damned plot each week: (*SPOILERS!!!*) A person, almost always a young, attractive, otherwise-healthy person, shows up at the hospital with dizzy spells/blindness/headaches/diarrhoea/etc. Their ailment is mis-diagnosed, at which point the patient almost dies, and House shows up to say it's something else, entirely. And everyone says "Oh, House, you're so full of shit. You're never right!" Then, after some drama involving House's Vicodin addiction, the patient almost dies again. At which point House meets with his team, and they all learn a lesson about how House is always fucking right in the end. Because House not only figures out what's ailing the young attractive person, but he cures them at the last possible minute. Fuck that. Formulaic slop.

---Lepus Rex