My husband is a refuse operative and he wears the requisite refuse operative's protective headgear as specified under current health and safety legislation. He wears hi-viz protective clothing on his lower body, and rents a simplex apartment in a multi-occupancy dwelling owned by the local housing authority. He resembles the fruit of plants of the genus musa by wearing size 14 slip-resistant protective footwear, and because he struggles to get them on in the morning he refers to them deprecatingly through the medium of horticultural cockney rhyming slang.
Almost certainly been done before but it kept me amused at work this morning making it up!
Any other songs that could benefit from similar reworking?