ERIC SEZ: "Non Aligned Leftie my arse, why are you here ? do you think it is OK for certain people to be assaulted ? as long as it's not you I suppose or your friends or relations. Why do you think it's OK ? will it be OK if I come round to your town and assault you ?"

ERIC LATER SEZ: "Non Aligned Leftie, you haven't answered my questions, why ?"

Let's start with the easy one, a starter for ten, ok? Why haven't I answered your question? Because I have a teeny weeny suspicion you don't really want me to. Am I right? Or is it 'nil point'?

Now to the others.

1. I don't know why your arse is here. So you don't fall off chairs when you sit down, presumably.
2. Personally I wouldn't assault anyone without extreme provocation. That's because I'm revoltingly forgiving. Prescott wasn't assaulted though. He was rendered slightly wet. By his own admission he's done far worse himself.
3. Neither I nor any of my friends or relations are powerful political figures. So no, I don't think it's ok to assault us. I also don't think it's ok to assault John Prescott. The odd egg or custard pie (or at the really limp end of le politique slapstique, the odd champagne bucket half full of water) is an occupational hazard. It's only assault in the way your head hitting the pillow is also assault. Some would merely call it commentary.
4. Why is it ok? Who are you again? Jeremy Paxman? John Prescott's mum? Anyway, actual assualt isn't usually ok. However, if John Prescott came steaming down the road at me in a bulldozer with a dagger between his teeth, a sharp tap to the back of the head might be in order. For instance.
5. No it won't be ok. Sounds like you might want to. Thankfully, you don't know where I live. However, if I ever start a war, feel free to pelt me with random bits of dinner and liquid (preferably Wychwood Hobgoblin, but give me fair warning so I can crank open my mouth as wide as possible).

Hope that answers your series of questions to your complete satisfaction and enjoyment.

NAL