Have a live version from an old Richard Digance programme by (if I understand RD correctly) John Foreman? I don't know anything about this person but it seems he is/was one of those singer/guitarist/comedian/raconteur performers that seem to have been prevalent in 1970's England.

Some of the lyrics don't seem to quite make sense compared to how it was originally written, but who cares - I guess you had to be there.

His version, with monologues, goes like this (use your imagination that you are part of the live audience)

Allan


"It's all about a beer festival in Heidelberg, which is where the German unemployed are when they're not working"

When the pub burn't down

CHORUS
there was Brown, upside down,
mopping up the whiskey on the floor.
Booze, booze, the firemen cried
as they came a-knocking at the door.
Don't let 'em in till it's all mopped up,
somebody shouted Mcintyre
McINTYRE!
And we all got blue blind paralytic drunk
when the old Dun Cow caught fire.

"yeah, you can all join in as well, but.... don't spoil it, will ya'"

My mates and me in the public house
was a'playin' dominoes last night.
When all of a sudden, in a (pop?) and rush
with his face all chalky white.
What's up, says Brown,have you seen a ghost
comin' by the old Maria?
Aunt Maria be blowed, says he,
the bleedin' pub's on fire.

repeat CHORUS

"(referring to audience) Feeble...I mean it's...no, honestl, yperhaps it's not feeble, perhaps it's genteel... which is.. almost the same thing"

I was going to read something... there wasn't much happened today - the only thing I noticed in the paper was that the - see - the Manchester Ship Canal,that the Manchester Dry Docks - and in the business page of the Telegraph, it says that the Manchester Dry Dock is going into liquidation... it's true!

Anyway,the pub's on fire - well, it's better than the song, isn't it"

The pub's on fire, on fire, says Brown
what a bit of luck.
ome along and ????? (just can't work it out - when will you Poms learn to speak English!)
Down in the cellar, if the pubs on fire
we'll have a real old spree.
So we all charged down with dear old Brown
and the beer could not be missed.
And we hadn't been ten minutes there
before we was all drunk.

repeat CHORUS

Just then there was a dreadful crash
and half the bloomin' roof fell in.
Well we got wet from the firemens hose
we got soaked to the skin.
But we got some sex......

"Sorry... I'm sorry about that. It all comes over me sometimes - but I don't come from around here at all and sex is different. Where I come from in London, sex is mostly for the working classes, and it's what we get our coal in!

Around here, you get it in bags, I believe.

Anyway, I'm sorry, I'll rephrase that"

Well we got some sacks and some old tin tacks
and we bunged ourselves inside,
and we all got drinking good old gin
till we was bleary eyed

"for the last time"

CHORUS
there was Brown, upside down,
mopping up the whiskey on the floor.
Booze, booze, the firemen cried
as they came a-knocking at the door.
Don't let 'em in till it's all mopped up,
somebody shouted Mcintyre
McINTYRE!
And we all got blue blind paralytic drunk
when the old Dun Cow caught fire.