Newcastle Improvements
Tune- Canny Newcassel
 

What a cockneyfied toon wor Newcassel hez grown--
Wey aw scarce can believe me awn senses;
Wor canny aud customs for ever ha'e flown,
and there's nowt left ahint for to mense us;
The fashions fra Lunnin are now a' the go,
As there's nowt i' wor toon to content us--
Aw'll not be surpriz'd at wor next 'lection day,
If twe Cockneys put up to present us.

Times ha'e been when a body's been axt out to tea,
Or to get a wee bit of a shiver,
Wor hearts were sae leet we ne'er thowt o' the cau'd,
Or the fear o' wet feet plagu'd us nivere;
But i' blanket coats now we mun get muffled up,
For fear that the cold should approach us--
And to hinder a spark gettin on to wor breeks,
We mun jump into fine Hackney Coaches.

Aw've seen when we've  gyen iv a kind freenly way
To be blithe o'er a jug o' good nappy--
The glass or the horn we shov'd round wi' the pot
For then we were jovial and happy;
But now we mun all hev a glass t'wor sels,
Which plainly appears, on reflection,
We think a' wor neighbours ha'e getten the cl-p,
And are frighten'd we catch the infection.

The very styen pavement they'll not let alyen,
For they've tuen'd up and puttin down gravel;
So now, gentle folks, here's a word i' yor lugs--
Mindthink on't whenever you travel;
If in dry dusty weather ye happen to stray,
Ye'll get yor een a' full o' stour, man--
Or, if it be clarty, you're sure for to get
Weel plaister'd byeth 'hint and afore, man.

If a' their improvements aw were for to tell,
Aw might sit here and sing- aye, forever;
There's the rum weak as watter, i'stead o' the stuff
That was us'd for to burn out wor liver!
Aw's fair seek and tir'd o' the things that aw've sung,
so aw think now aw'll myek a conslusion,
By wishing the cheps iv a helter may swing,
That hae brought us to a' this confusion.

R. Charlton-In: The Newcastle Song Book or Tyne-Side Songster., W&T Fordyce
Newcastle Upon Tyne.