A man goes into a pub carrying an octopus. He sets the octopus down on a bar stool and announces to the assembled company: ŒSee this octopus? He is the most brilliant musician. He can play any instrument you¹d like to give him.¹

A customer steps forward with an electric guitar and hands it to the octopus. The octopus eyes the instrument with professional approval then plays a series of fantastically slick blues riffs. Everyone is amazed.

Another customer gives the octopus a trumpet. The octopus plays a whole lot of jazz scales, then launches into a few Dizzy Gillespie numbers. Everyone applauds and cheers.

Then a Scotsman steps forward with a set of Highland pipes. The octopus turns the pipes over this way and that, looking rather puzzled.

ŒY¹see,¹ crows the Scotsman. ŒAh knew ye wouldna be able to play it.¹

ŒPlay it?¹ says the octopus. ŒI¹m not going to play it. As soon as I can work out how to get its pyjamas off I¹m gonna fuck its brains out.¹