1. Sex is wrong - especially the non-procreative variety - this is the most important aspect above all else. When you're out walking, you can't be having nookie. (Mostly anyway - hillsides are usually a bit too breezy, and too full of thistles and sheep crap for romance.) 2. Women are inferior or even down right evil (please don't complain - I'm only reporting) Wainwright wouldn't take either of his wives walking with him. 3. Silly dietary restrictions Fish and chips? Not very silly though, I admit. 4. Silly dress obligations and restrictions - may only apply to clergy however Red woolly socks. Walking poles. Shorts. Nuff said, I think. 5. Lots of bizarre cerermonies Cairn building. Kissing gates. Greeting people on the path who you don't know and will never meet again. 6. Magic - but only works if you 'have faith' Any walker who's not at some point thought "God, help me get up this bastard hill" is probably not trying hard enough. 7. A book written by a supreme being or, at least 'inspired' by one. Can be full of sex, violence, racism etc - that's OK Inspired by nature? 8. Give us yer money!! Wainwright guides, for sale in all good bookshops now. 9 Don't mention Richard Dawkins Don't mention planning authorities, road-builders, hydro-electric schemes or mountain bikers. 10 Pie in the Sky Pie in the pub- the best kind! Graham.
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