John McCain's [ghost written] speech at the debate. (It may be ghost-debated as well, because he won't be there….)

To the People of America

I have decided to stop my campaign in order to hocus-focus on saving the US economy. I'm pledging to serve with my heart and soul if elected, and will ensure that America has a vision for the future and will achieve many positive ghouls.. If elected President, I will fund the following programs in order to boost the economy and make life better for American families.

To support working mothers, I will create more dayscare centres for children. I will uphold the War on Terror, with a strong commitment to terrifying ghouls and laying wraiths at funerals.. For those who worry about the right to bear arms, I say, it's okay, so long as you have a haunting license.

When you ask me if I will give up my ghoul to be President, I say "Presidential ambition is a disease that can only be cured by embalming fluid."


No, I never wanted to be Vice President. I spent several years in a North Vietnamese prison camp, in the dark, fed with scraps. Do you think I want to do that all over again as vice president of the United States?

While Wall St is currently a monetary roller-ghoster, my financial policies will help it make a spooktacular recovery! My VP will continue to hunt mooses with her bare hands, and I will teach her how to make moose ghoulash.

As a ghost-politican, I will never be able to fool you, because you can see right through me.. I'm older than dirt, I've got more scars than Frankenstein, but I've learned a few things along the way. I will introduce discipline amongst our security forces, with a policy of don't spook until you're spooken to !

Some people think I selected Scarah Palin as my Vice President because I'd rather have CPR from her than Mitt Romney. But she's okay, she's my buddy, just as demons are a ghost's best friend. But as a ghost President, you will never have to worry about her replacing me, because I'm not really here anyway..

While my policies may be transparent, and I may make a few boo boos here or there, I will always be an apparition of respectability.
In closing, I'd like to bring to your attention the gallantry and patriotism of the many American battlers who serve with distinction in unemployment queues. I promise not just to honour your battle to survive and support your families, but I will ensure that your service pensions will be enough to fund the counseling for the Ghost Traumatic Stress Disorder you will experience under my administration..

Your humble servant

John McWraith