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The Mudcat Cafesj

User Name Thread Name Subject Posted
Bru Lyr Req: Mrs Harris (Jeremy Taylor) (16) Lyr Add: MRS HARRIS (Jeremy Taylor) 21 Oct 08

As promised, but this is all spoken as you probably already know.

Jeremy Taylor

"Mrs Harris, we've come to take your photo. It's for a charity organization we represent.
Now, each year we collect hundreds of thousands. At least these are our general intents (?),
But to win support we do need photos of old people in a pretty dreadful plight.
I hope our calling now is not inconvenient".

"No, it's alright. It's alright."

"Mrs Harris, you're most kind and I'm most grateful. And then I say how well I think you cope.
With living in such, er, living conditions, it must be hard sometimes to keep afloat.
I mean, with all this plaster falling off the ceiling, and these walls, a most depressing sight.
Forgive me if I say it's most appalling."

"No, it's alright. It's alright."

"Er, yes. Yes, well, Mrs Harris, we'd like to take a photo of you struggling to negotiate the stairs.
We'd like you to look suitably unhappy although a (Bomb – not sure) has hit you full unawares,
That sort of thing. Now, I'll just empty out a little rubbish on the staircase, um-m-m, there. And if you'll hobble a little further to your right—
Good. Now try not to smile, Mrs Harris. Try not to smile."
"It's alright. It's alright."

"No, no, Mrs Harris, I don't think you understand me, we're trying to help you 'cause you're very, very sad.
Now, you've got rheumatism, arthritis and lumbago, and life for you has been very, very bad.
I mean, you're old, half deaf and rather stupid, and your widow's pension isn't worth a mite.
Now, try and look as though you understood that. m-m-m-m-."

"That's alright. that's alright."

"Mrs Harris, will you think of all the others who will benefit from your pathetic pose,
And look wretched and we will DO THE REST. Won't be much to do, God knows.
Now all we want is one good photo, so look miserable, hold the rail and hang on tight.
The world must learn to feel a little pity, Mrs Harris."

"That's alright. that's alright."

"Mrs Harris, there's a dragon on your doorstep, and his hot breath is coming up your drawers,
And if you don't stop smiling, he's going to eat you, m-m-m-m, then we won't have to do anymore.
What's that? You'd like to take a rest, now. You're going to the bingo hall tonight,
M-m-m-m. But you'd love to see us both again tomorrow. That's alright, Mrs Harris. that's alright."

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