Dear Colonel-General Helena Smyte-Withers, I am honoured that you would have thought of me. Question: Are you sure it isn't Smythe-Withers? There were some Smythe-Withers in Twilligsgate for years...until that unfortunate business with the mysterious son they kept chained in the dungeons. He got out one night and I am told that NO one survived. Absolutely no one. It was awful. They still talk about the nightly howling...but I'm getting off-topic. Sorry!
1. Your name has been put forth as a possible enlistee in the Idaho Legion. As I am sure you are aware this is an honor not given to everyone.
I blush to say that I wasn't even aware it was an honour given to anyone until I heard from you. It must, I suppose, be quite prestigious?
2. You would, of course, have to take and pass the Entrance Examination, but I do not think that you will have any trouble with that.
No doubt. I'm sure I should do quite well.
3. You will also have to demonstrate adequate physical fitness as well as pass a medical examination.
I am "as fit as a fiddle", to use an expression Aunt Penelope favours! Isn't that cute! ;-) I love it when she says that. My last medical examination turned up nothing of note. Thank heavens!!! Just joking...ha! ha!
4. There will be no cost to you if you accept this invitation, and the records will be destroyed if for some reason you fail any of the examinations.
Cost is no object. However, I would be glad of your generosity. There is no danger of my failing. I am, after all, a Rutledge. I am an accomplished equestrian, a fine gymnast, and a "certified lunatic behind the wheel" (I quote dear Aunt Penelope, who fails to appreciate my unique driving skills...)
5. Because of your familial connections you would, after successfully completing Basic Training, be commissioned as an Ensign; I would expect further promotions to follow rapidly.
Yes, I expect so. Do you have Admirals? Field Marshalls?
6. Please inform me of your decision at your earliest convenience.
Well, my decision hangs on a number of matters.
1. I'm presently attending classes here in England and I will not be free until next spring.
2. I need to talk to Aunt Penelope and Uncle Winston about it and see what they think. Not that I shan't make up my own mind about it, but I'd like to see what they say about Idaho first.
3. What would my duties be as a member of the Idaho Legion? Would I be required to join the "War on Terror"? Aunt Penelope is violently against it and Uncle Winston is violently for it. This creates a conflict of interest that is frankly, quite tiresome, and I would wish to avoid getting mired in that sort of thing. (In any case, I think it's inane to make war on an emotion! That's what Aunt Penelope says, and I believe she is right. Uncle Winston gets awfully mad when she says that and he says it's not about that at all, but that's what a man would say. They're all afraid of looking bad in front of their wretched "mates", you know, so they get all bellicose and dramatic and talk about how they would have had Bin Laden YEARS ago! Bla, bla bla. Most of them can't even find their way to the loo, truth be told!)