I remember we did folk dancing at Primary School and I hated it because you had to hold hands with GIRLS _UGGH!"

A familiar problem for anyone who calls for "family" ceilidhs, where Shakespeare's seven ages can all be found. And these are …?

1. The tots – they will only dance with parents (usually Mum, because Dad's at the bar) or with "best friends" (always the same gender as themselves).

2. The almost-teenagers - girls will dance with each other, but not with those rough and smelly boys. Boys won't dance at all because it's soft – they'd rather be playing football (and given half a chance will start a game in the middle of the dance floor).

3. The early teenagers – girls will dance (with other girls), provided you can persuade them to stop gossiping and giggling for a few minutes. Boys (still rough and smelly, and now spotty as well) are too embarrassed to dance at all - and anyhow, the ones who look old enough to get served will be hanging around the bar.

4. The late-teens/early twenties – both sexes are keen to dance with a partner they fancy, but often have difficulty finding a partner who fancies them. Most succeed eventually, and soon move on to the next stage.

5. The young parents - it's a family ceilidh, so of course they've brought the kids along. One may ride herd on the little monsters while the other desperately seeks an adult partner – or they may just take turns dancing with one of the kids.

6. The mature parents – many already have excuses for not dancing (bad backs, dodgy knees, high blood pressure, etc), so they sit around in foursomes swapping horror-stories about their teenage offspring. (Meanwhile the offspring create mayhem, or shudder with embarrassment in corners.)

7. The grandparents – they usually have more medical excuses for not dancing – indeed, this is often their favourite topic of conversation. However, they may be willing to manage the grand-kids while the generation in between dance (or gossip, or hang around the bar).

It often seems that a miracle will be required to get any dancing going at a family ceilidh. And yet somehow the miracle usually happens, sending most of the punters home smiling. But it's hard work for the caller.

Returning (finally) to our original topic … several of the reasons for not dancing listed above apply as much to Morris as they do to ceilidhs. Nevertheless, both activities still manage to struggle on, and long may they continue to do so.

Wassail!