Con Fada for only a fiver
Is a treat most exceedingly rare;
You won't get much better value,
All the annals of Lewes will declare.

He'll reduce you to tears of pure laughter,
And I've heard, though it may be a rumour,
That his jokes are most extremely sharp;
So WARNING - these songs may contain humour.

You may think that Britain's got talent
But when you look on his phizz
In all of the Archipelago*
There is nothing so homely as his!

But I'd like to remind all our patrons,
Not to venture at pool nor play spoons;
For the Curse of the Cockroach of Milltown
May descend on such reckless poltroons.

*As of last Tuesday this was the approved term for the combined islands of Great Britain and Ireland etc.....

Con is one of a very few singers who can compose original songs which are immediately adopted and enjoyed by everyone. Good luck to him. I wrote The Return of Spoons as a sort of tribute to him, and to add to the general fun. I hope he didn't mind my presumption.

Pheasant Plucker