FRATERNITY BLUES
As recorded by Townes Van Zandt on "Live at the Old Quarter, Houston, Texas" (2008)

I decided to improve my social station.
I joined a fraternal organization,
Tucked in my shirt, signed on the line.
Right away they set about to improve my mind,

The car I drove, the books I read, the food I ate, the booze I drank, the girls I took out,--my breath.

They said, "Kid, we don't much like the way you walk,
And you're gonna have to change the way you talk."
They said, "Your dress is kinda slouchy,
And your attitude is mighty grouchy.

They said, "You got to learn to bubble. You got to bubble with enthusiasm." I started bubbling.

The most important thing, you can't forget,
Is learning the entire Greek alphabet.
I never did really understand
How that was going to make me any more of a man,

But I learnt it.... I can whip through that son-of-a-beta backwards in five seconds.

Then they hit me with some pretty bad news
Concerning the payment of monthly dues.
I never did know where that money went,
And I never was sure it was real well spent,

But I paid it.... I'm no trouble-causer and besides, I figured that's life--if you want good friends, they're gonna cost you.

Well, it finally got to be party time.
I got a great big ol' jug of wine.
I went back to the house in about an hour
Everybody's drinking whiskey sours,

Brandy Alexanders, frozen daiquiris, reciting the Greek alphabet to one another.

I could see I was gonna do my very best
To get myself out of that fraternity mess.
I stood right there outside the door
And I chugged that wine like never before,

Walked inside and bubbled.... All over a couple of their dates.

So, now everything's back to normal again,
But there's still lots of room for improvement, friend.
Course, that fraternity stuff's too much for me
Next time I'm gonna join a sorority.

Really give 'em something to bubble about.