Liz, thanks for the encouragement, and I'm so sorry you didn't have a support system like this 20 years back. It must still hurt to think about your brother, but for you, Jeri and BillD to have brought up those kinds of memories here means we've all found this to be a safe place to look for comfort.

There is something really sweet about knowing I could check in with you guys, and somehow be by myself last night without being alone. About 90 seconds after I posted the telephone rang and Big Mick sat on the phone with me and talked through some of the hardest parts.

Chantyranger, I'm very relieved that you don't have hard feelings because I didn't show up, that was my biggest worry. I have something for 'Seed from Bonnie (hello BBon) and I hope I'll be able to give it to him tonight and talk about Joy a little over a few Irish tunes. Bonnie, you're part of this circle, too-- you were right when you said that the item you sent would find the right time to get to 'Seed...

I started to send these notes by PM this morning, then I realized something important-- the very reason I felt able to talk to you all when I needed some company last night was because of little BS threads like this, where I've gotten to know each of your voices talking to one another. So I decided to keep these warm thoughts out in the open. Kat, your lovely poem and blanket of hugs came in very handy as did everybody's kind thoughts and the fact that you were all so quick to come to my side. Moon, if I cover the mirrors and put out some hard chairs, it could almost be a cyber-shiva. I have some things here I was planning to take to Joy's house last night, anybody want some pasta salad?

love to you all

pj