Here as promised,
The Roman Gladiator
(Dave Houlden et al)

THE ROMAN GLADIATOR (as sung by Micca)
(written by Bruce Campbell, with verses added by Dave Houlden)

CHORUS I'm glad glad very very glad
I'm glad I'm a gladiator
Ancient Rome, that's my home
Fried fish shop by the Hippodrome
I'm glad glad very very glad
From my helmet to my toes
My old Dad was a Roman lad
And he left me a Roman nose
2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4

Ever seen a Fellow like a Roman candle
Bloke who never let his braces dangle
Gladi-ator Bold and Furious
Runs round Rome with a spirit so furious
I'm in the bodyguard of Julius Ceaser
He's got a fizzer like a lemon squeezer
My names Marcus diddle-I-darcus
Permanent address is Rome
CHORUS

Round the Colosseum we go marching
Wearing dickies that are needing starching
Watched by Nero, he's our hero
Sits up there with a belly full of beer-o
All day long he keeps on fiddlin'
Fingers diddlin', always twiddlin'
We must please him, if we tease him
Throws us in the lions den.
CHORUS

I had a fight with a lion called Nifty
Mangy old bugger with an eye so shifty
Rorus chorus, he rushed for us
I shoved my Trident up his anal quarters
Gave that lion such a fair old beating
Found his haemorrhoids need treating
Oh what a din!, Oh what a win!
Everybody thumbs up YAH!
CHORUS

Julius Ceaser had a motto
Only remembered it when he got blotto
"Null secundus orus randy "
He was a bugger on a pint of shandy
On his banner was a naked dancer
Three French letters and a mounted lancer
He can't fool us, got no tool, us
Lost it in the Ides of March
CHORUS

Marcus Anthony, the dirty shitehouse
Lost his medals in a Rome red lighthouse
Woke in the morning, very solemn
Couldn't see the end of his Tragans column
The favourite sport of Roman rogues is
Two pink gins and off with their togas
Shagnus Magnus, any old bag does
Oh what a Roman wreck
CHORUS

We went on holiday to old Pompeii
Can't say that we enjoyed our stayee
We insured against Jupiter pluvius
We forgot about bloody Vesuvius
off we buggered to Herculaneum
Wife got a rock upon her cranium
Oh what a shock, bloody great rock
So we buggered off back to Rome
CHORUS

They were a funny lot the Ancient Britons
Look at 'em twice and they'd have kittens
As you've read in "Di Bello Castie"
How we were poisoned by a Cornish pasty
We lost Marcus to a fair young Druid
Who injected him with priceless fluid
With his arse full of woad, he croaked like a toad
So we dumped him in the Edgware Road.
CHORUS

In north Britain near Vindolanda
thats where the 6th Legion raise their standard
They grew leeks that were big and strong
Thick as your arm and six foot long
Then the Scots with their Picts and shovels
Came and stole them back to their hovels
This didn't please the legion at all
Which is why they built Hadrians Wall
CHORUS
^^
Dave Houlden (with some additions)
This is the combined set of words gathered from Pearl O'Neill and Barry at Towersey, how much was written bty Dave I dont know, except for verse 8 I know that I added that as a homage to Dave Houldens ghost.

---

Note from Joe Offer: See message below (click), which says the song was written by Bruce Campbell, with verses added by Dave Houlden.
-Joe Offer, 8 Feb 2011-