THE GREEN TIE ON THE LITTLE YELLOW DOG
There's a little sallow idle man lives north of Waterloo,
And he owns the toughest music hall in town.
There are broken-hearted comics, there's a graveyard for them too,
And the gallery gods are ever gazing down.
He was known as Fat Caroo in the pubs round Waterloo,
And he wore a green tie with a diamond pin.
He was worshipped in the ranks by the captain of the swanks
And the coal man's daughter loved his double chin.
He had loved her all along and, despite his ong-bong-pong,
The fact that she loved him they say was right,
Though her complexion was a fake and her teeth were put and take
(Put in by day and taken out by night).
'Twas the fifteenth anniversary of her twenty-second year,
So he smiled at her as sweetly as a hog
And asked what present she would like and jestingly she said,
'Your green tie for my little yellow dog.'
Fat Caroo seemed in a trance, and his heart slipped through his pants,
But he tried his utmost not to look a wreck;
So he handed her the tie and kissed her hand goodbye.
When he bowed his head she bit his neck.
Later on Caroo came to. His tie had gone, it's true,
And his tiepin with it. He seemed in a fog.
He rushed like mad to find that she'd tied that tie behind
To the tailpiece of her little yellow dog.
She was screaming like a child. the dog was running wild,
Biting policemen as he galloped up the straight;
For the little dog called Tom, when he wagged his to and from,
Felt the tiepin urge him on to meet his fate.
The dog returned at dawn with his windscreen slightly torn
And on seeing took something from the lady's room.
To another room he flew, saying, 'That's for Fat Caroo'
And silently he slunked out in the gloom.
When Caroo jumped into bed he'd've wakened up the dead
With a scream as he fell like a hog.
Her false teeth they were buried in the seat of Fat Caroo.
'Twas the vengeance of that little yellow dog.
There's a cockeyed yellow poodle to the north of Gonga Pooch.
There's a little hot cross bun that's turning green.
There's a double jointed woman doing tricks in ChooChinCh,
And you're a better man that I am, Gunga Din.