Here is the 'humourous' version as sung by The Corries. You can see/hear it on YouTube. It really has to be heard sung to a live audience to be fully appreciated. It's my understanding that it was written by Ronnie Browne, and these words are courtesy of his son, from his webpage. Two of the terms are new to me, and I hope one of the Scots 'Catters can provide a translation: 'Sannies' and 'skivvers.' When I listened I thought the word was 'funnies' as in comic strips and that may be the meaning, but I'm not sure. I THINK I'm right on the following: 'navvies' I believe are men who work at unskilled or semi-skilled outdoor jobs, but I may need some clarification on that; 'lavvies' I'm assuming are lavatories and 'borries' translates to 'borrows'; 'buskin', I'm not sure about bur, again, I'm assuming it refers to busses and/or taxi cabs; a lorry is a truck, but I'm not sure what exactly is an 'arctic lorry' refers to. I'm not familiar with 'skivers', nor am I positive of the connotation in Scots of the term 'stinkers.' [Somehow, I think it's not meant to refer to body odor!] So translation from someone who knows would be appreciated!
The terms all may be found in the Scot's Glossary here on the Mudcat, if I'd had the brains to just look there first! Sheeesh!
Scotland the Brave [Humourous Version]
1] Land o' the purple heather, Land o' the dirty weather,
Land where the midges gather, Scotland the Brave.
Land o' the Pakistanis, Andy Capp and Saturday's Sannies,
Land where they sell their Grannies, Scotland the Brave.
Used to say in faether's day,
You could hear the bagpipes play,
But now you hear the regal tones
O' Elton John and the Rollin' Stones,
Land that is full of stinkers. Wee fat Jews and V.P. drinkers,
Whiskey's put a lot o' stinkers, Into Scottish graves.
2] Land that is full of skivers, Comic singers, deep sea divers.
Turbans on the our buskin' drivers, Scotland the Brave.
Land o' the brutal Bobbies, Councillors wi' part-time jobbies
Architects, wi' payin' hobbies, Scotland the Brave.
The tourists come here every year,
To see all our historic gear,
But all they see is loads of navvies,
Highrise flats wi' concrete lavvies,
Land o' the Arctic lorries, Andy Stewart and the Corries.
Land where everybody borries. Scotland the Brave.
3] Land o' the kilt and sporran, Underneath there's nothing worn,
How I wish the wind was warm, Scotland the Brave.
I must admit it's pretty gruesome, Walkin' around wi' your frozen twosome.
[They're all we got, so dinna lose 'em], Scotland the Brave.
Conservatives try to assure us,
Labor's hard put to endure us,
The kirk puts curbs on our enjoyment,
Government makes unemployment.
But never mind, the day is near, When independence will be here,
We'll drink a toast in Younger's Beer. To Scotland the Brave